Toy Box

So, I had t0 do the usual today...run errands,grocery shopping,and laundry. But, I amused myself at the arts and crafts store.I've been looking for a toy box for ages and this one wanted to come home with me.I especially love the high heel on the lid. I also added some feathers and a white mask to my collection of goodies.

I placed it on the cedar chest at the base and it looks fabulous...

Updates and Issues

The details...



So, I spent the long weekend with my family in Ohio.





I love my family...but wow that was too much time with them. Some highlights? Dinner with my brother-in-law and sister. I LOVE her. She's my evil partner-in-crime. Saw my gay husband and he is coming for a week...next Thursday!!! Woot. Saw my besties from highschool. We are going to NKOTB next month...I am so excited.




Obsessions...


J.R. Ward books..I HAVE to read all of them! BDSM,vampires,wicked sex,and humor.....woot!
Trueblood....new HBO series. LOVE it! Lafeyette and Tara remind me of me and my gay b'friend....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArOIjn4TZWc
















My Ride...

I had to buy a new car. My beloved Vitara died on the PA turnpike. But I have a new luvah....my silver KIA Spectra. The salesman looked like Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs on Discovery. Sidenote? I was smitten with him. He was adorable and made me a sweet deal. He called to check that I arrived in VA alright.










Man update....





Dr. Feelgood-Still in a holding pattern. I can't do today. He can't Sunday....sigh.
Mr. Electric-Heard from him last night. And will hear more today. More later.
Mr. Dominant-Probably a fling. I'll see Sunday. :)
Ace-He is being deployed in August. :( We are talking more lately. I miss him. I hate admitting that,but I do. He still gets to me. He came over...talked last night. No touching! He made me laugh. His squadron has a cardboard cutout of Fabio and he showed me pics of Fabio engaged in lewd acts.
Fable-He is 23, super cute and curious about bdsm...I love being the teacher. He wants to try both roles.

Sexy,Sour, and Sweet

As a Domme,who am I?



I've been thinking about this a lot. I'm still coming into my own. Figuring out what I can and want to do. I feel different but I'm still growing.



As women,we are socialized to sacrifice. To be soliticous. To be sweet. This is in direct opposition to the role of dominant. Yet,I find it leaking out of me now and then. This sort of thing is ingrained and has spread deep roots. I find myself not wanting to take advantage of someone or be demanding....



yet I crave it. It FEELS good,right,sexy. And,yes,powerful.



I see it happening in my other relationships,not just my play relationships. A guy I work with, I'll call him Bashful,after the dwarf. He came into to remind me about a meeting we were going to. I told him I'd be there in a second. He tried to tell me he'd go without me.



I smiled slyly and said, "No,you'll wait for me on the first floor and we'll walk over together."

I'll be damned if he did it.

And followed me like a puppy for the rest of the day.



I like that feeling!



Christina Aguilera's newest release resonates with me...



Yeah baby

Theres a villan in me

So sexy sour and sweet

And you'll be lovin' it

No Sex in my City

Sigh. Dating sucks. Its just so exhausting.Confusing,too.

Got stood up the minister. I'm giving him another chance. Mainly because boyfriend has issues. I like helping others and I'm not all that into him. He's so vulnerable and charming...but my feelings aren't all that sexual.He explained himself and we are okay.

Still I think it would be a thrill to corrupt him...all Thornbirds like.

I cancelled with Mr. Electric. Had to work. He told me spent the evening with a woman he has a crush on. He gave her a footrub and seems very into her. Apparently,he stated,that he was tingly from touching her.

Um..okay...?

I also heard from Ace today.

Yes, Ace.

What the crap? Out of the blue he called. He is still dating the "dirty hippie" woman. She's vanilla,five years younger,and has a kid. He told me several times he missed me. He also said "I love you" or "I love ya" several times. Not sure which.Ace also stated that he "would do anything for me". So confusing.

What the hell is that? What does he want?

Heard from the cop,too. He begged me to let him come over.I declined but talked to him. He says he wants "to get into my head" and that we "could be good for each other". Hmmmm....

I guess I just feel...blah. I seem to be attracting men who are not that into me. Or the ones I don't want...? Can't get enough of me.

Ironic,no?

Adventures in Dating

Dating is a contact sport.

Recently, I have been speaking with several submissive men. Learning more about myself as a domina and submissive men in general.

It's been educational.

By far my favorite is Mr. Electric. He's 29,very sweet,and is easy to talk to. We're getting together this weekend. He has the same sexual interests:pegging,chastity,tease and denial.A few others I'm curious about as well. Last night I spoke with Mr. E and he brought himself to an orgasm. While,I listened.Very,very sexy. Downside? He's from MD.

The Teacher is local. He's 32,funny as hell,and dominant. He's interested in exploring his submissive side. But..eh. It would be a power struggle.He's pushy,too.

Preacher Man is a minister and is about thirty minutes away. He's funny and we have a lot in common. He's bisexual and I found myself interacting with him the way I would with a gay man. So,that's...probably not good. However,he's got friend potential.

So many options. Hmmm...

It's a Sickness

I'm kind of snarfy. I've got a head cold. I've been drinking tea and making chicken soup. I've got Riccola cough drops and Nyquil.

I didn't get together with the cop. Got messages like "You are all I think about." Bit too much for me.

I know it sounds like I'm being picky. And I am. Picky,that is.

I'm going about this the wrong way. Too fast. Too much. I need to slow it down and get to know a man first....

I think.

My problem? I love sex. A lot. And depriving myself has never worked well for me.

Sigh. Back to bed for me. Not like 'that'. :)

Roots of DOMMEnation

While at my parent's house this week, I was hit with a revelation.

My parents have a FLR. Okay, I'm not certain about kinky sex is part and parcel of this deal (and dear God I have no desire to know!), I know that my mother is definetly the boss.

Looking at their responsibilities, my mother is in charge of finances, made the greater share of the money, and seems to make all the major decisions (that I'm aware of). While my father more or less goes along with her. He also does dishes, laundry, and cooking.

I have to admit it has been there staring me in the face for years but I never really thought about it. THey have unconventional gender roles. And well..that is just freaking awesome. And disconcerting. Mostly awesome though.

Obviously our fathers (for women) are the first men we form a relationship with and forms a lens for how we view all men that come into our lives. I was woken up the other morning by my dad who was handed me a cup of coffee with just the right amount of Splenda and cream in it. He informed me that he'd made biscuits for breakfast. Which I enjoyed with honey and butter.

Viewed through my current lens of female domination it made me think. Now, I do not have a sexual relationship with my father. That is just...ewwww. And wrong. And nasty to even contemplate. But, it just made me view my relationship with him differently and consquently my relationships with men.

Thinking back to my childhood, I spent a great deal of time with him and more or less had him wrapped around my finger. He got me ready for school when I was in kindegarten. This included doing my hair. He was always a better guest at my little tea parties than my mother. He'd sit there with me forever on his tiny chair swilling imaginary tea. We used to go for walks together and I would bend his ear about any number of topics. He was very kind and very nurturing.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it. But it gave me pause for that. My dad is much more of a man than those who have girlfriends on the side, or run out on their wives and children altogether.

Given the option between an alpha male? And a beta male? I'll take beta every damn time.

A Brand New Man

And she comes out swinging!

So I've branched out and started speaking with a 45 year old submissive policemen. I'm not sure what it is about these manly types, but military men, fire fighters, cops, etc. all get me a little hot n bothered. I get a thrill out of dominating a tough man....
We started speaking last week. He's from Arlington so he's relatively close and he seems perfect.

I think going with an older submissive man was probably the way to go. He is comfortable with his sexuality and the expression of it. I'm convinced Ace probably castigated himself after playing with me.

I've yet to play with the cop however. We've talked over the phone and I'm currently visiting my parents. When I get back this weekend we will meet and see what happens. I'm a little wary. He has a couple of fetishes that I'm not familiar with. One of these is a foot fetish. Which admittedly sounds kind of sexy to me. But its still knew so I do have a lot to learn.

I have to admit I'd love to take him shoe shopping with me and have him put the shoes on my feet and maybe even pick some out. If he's been a good boy.

The other is humilation. While I understand the turn on I'm still a little uncomfortable with using some of those words with him. Words like whore, slut, and even the dreaded cunt. He finds this intensely erotic. My jury is still out on this....

Life Saver

So, I welcomed him home with open arms...and open legs. Thought we'd have the talk after...but afterwards? Ace said "Thanks you're a life saver."

Then? Left like he was being chased. With a quick.."I'll call you."What the hell was that?

Then, I didn't hear from him.

Well, out of sight....out of mind. I guess.

Not really. But I don't chase men. They chase me. Usually.

But,maybe I've gone about this the wrong way. If you start with a sexual connection that's all its about. Although,don't get me wrong, I enjoy the sex.

My favorite scenario with Ace was the rape scenario. Push him to his knees. Put one leg up on the cedar chest. Make him lick my pussy. Tie him down to the bed, push my panties into his mouth. Take his ass with a strap on.

Then ride him.

Okay,this ended up in a different place then in started...

Fortress of Solitude...?

So, I had fun yesterday. I went to a multicultural fair and did some writing.

I got a couple of texts from Ace. Ignored them.

Ended up speaking with a submissive man from Ontario yesterday afternoon. Not really my type but he seemed like a good guy. He enjoys activities that are more at the deep end of the ocean. I'm still wading in and the water is up to my knees.

Today, I'm going to be domestic. Clean the apartment, bake a chicken, and probably watch a movie. Not really in the mood for friends.

But I do enjoy my own company. I'm pretty cool. :)

A Bit Peeved

So, I attempted to tease him last night through a series of very sexually explicit texts. I mean very sexually explicit. I told him exactly what I wanted to do to him. And how. In no uncertain terms.

He ignored me.

For nearly a half an hour. I received this text. "God, I want you. But no touchy." Then, he claimed that he wasn't aroused at all.

Which speaks to a larger problem.

Ace loves to be teased but only when release is close at hand. We will be having a discussion about this soon. Along with the ignoring....even a short call or text that says that he is busy would be acceptable.

This behavior was not.

Slowly Being Driven Over the Edge....

So, Ace is in Texas visiting his family. We are crazy texters back and forth...soon..the topic turned to sex...and soon worked ourselves into a frenzy.

Mostly because I love tease and denial. Love it.

Like an addictive drug,actually. I love the power of it. Working up and then telling him no. He recently confessed that he had rape fantasies. I'm not sure why but that makes me so wet. Holding him down, taking him anyway I want...

So we had agreement. No touching..no pleasing ourselves while he is gone. Then,we will try a rape scene.

Haven't played since last Wednesday...

And I'm dying.

By the time he gets back? I'm going to rip his clothes off.

God.

Not that its all physical....Ace is funny. He has a silly playfullness I find endearing. We have the same pop culture tastes(movies,music,books). We genuinely like each other.

All the same? Monday cannot come soon enough....

Wickedness: The Creation of Ms. Rayne

Mood: quixotic

Song: Poker face

Power.

Recently coming into my 30s has changed my perspective on men. I've been aware of D/s for years. Quite a turn on. But I secretly wanted control. Battled with my dominant for it...and got punished often.

february began my quest to unleash the dominant within.

I've been seeing an airmen for six weeks. Ace is 27 divorced and deliciously corruptible.

More later...

His tongue? talented. Wit? lethal.